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Money Makes the World Go 'Round

[A day or so in the life of Mike, Agent of SAVAGE, as he goes about making new friends and larger profits.]
Mike absent-mindedly rolled the casino chip on the table as he glanced at the clock on the wall. He knew it was a boring job, but someone had to do it. As the minute hand slowly passed the hour hand pointing to the 12, the door to the small apartment opened. A middle-aged, balding man entered the room, looking at the interior furtively, as if convinced he was under surveillance. Which, Mike concluded, was not an invalid assumption. However, he had swept the room for bugs 3 separate times before the meeting. It was highly unlikely (though not impossible) that any agency, governmental or otherwise, was currently watching.
The man handed of briefcase full of currency over to Mike, who didn’t bother to check whether it contained what it was supposed to contain. SAVAGE had made it very clear what would happen if anyone tried to cheat them, and had even gone so far as to give a demonstration when a client inevitably tried to short-change Mike. No one had made the same mistake after that.
The man in turn received a briefcase full of casino chips, usable at a friendly gambling establishment in a country with a very relaxed tax system. By cashing in, he is guaranteed clean money beyond the borders of of a country that might otherwise like a share of the amount he wishes to export, not to mention question how such a reputable businessman had managed to acquire such a nest-egg.
The money handed to Mike, however, would be reinvested into various businesses owned by SAVAGE and from there deposited in over 60 different bank accounts. Then, after the requisite number of transfers were completed, the funds would be wirelessly transmitted to a bank owned by a bank owned by a corporation owned by a man with strong ties to a high ranking official in the local government. These funds would eventually end up in the Cayman Islands. Mike appreciated the vacation time that would mean for him in the future.
With both parties satisfied, the man took his case and left, leaving Mike to report the details of the deal and transport the money to a safer location.
At HQ, Mike took note of the new client and the amount he had laundered, eventually deciding to put him down as a B-rank client (“lucrative, but risky”). Mike checked a couple other laundering operations: artificially inflating and deflating the cost of computer chips to facilitate money transferal to drug suppliers in South America, multiple investments in shell companies to clean the cash, a reasonable percent wired to sympathetic casinos, bankers, and politicians...
Mike finalized the deals that would move more SAVAGE subsidiary companies to Ireland, lowering the effective corporate tax rates by, well, an almost criminal amount, and went back to watching the TV, waiting for something terrible to happen. It usually did.
When Velocity attacked, Mike was unprepared. Sure, he was technically acting with a script, but Velocity didn’t know that. It was very hard to get the timing down if your fellow thespians weren’t in on the sham. Velocity plowed into Mike, sending him flying backwards into a wall on the other side of the bank. “Take that, evil-doer!”
Mike slowly got to his feet and shook off the debris. He wagged his finger at the hero. “Not so fast, Velocity! You may have foiled my attempt to rob the bank, but you haven’t foiled my true plan: to launch an assault at UniCorp! You’d better run now, little hero, lest you arrive at mere ashes blowing in the breeze! AHHAHAHAHAHA!!!”
Aghast, Velocity quickly tied up Mike and raced away to UniCorp headquarters to deal with the new threat. Mike breathed a sigh of relief and waited until his extraction team whisked him away (a good minute or so before the police arrived. They were getting better and better.) before getting up and leaving the bank via helicopter. Taking off his ridiculous cape and demon-mask, Mike relished the fresh air on his face. “Jim, did we get the footage from multiple angles?”
“Yep. Great job, “Evil Oni”, you really played the part well. I predict that action figure sales will sky-rocket as soon as this episode is aired. And I can’t even imagine how much the public will be amazed when it turns out you were actually the puppet of The Dark Master all along!”
“Yeah, I’m amazed the public eats this stuff up-” began Mike, before getting an emergency transmission from SAVAGE HQ. “Hmmm… some other Mike's problem. Where were we?”
Mike jumped down from the catwalk and crept up behind the figures milling around in the warehouse. After quietly taking out each member of the crew, Mike confronted the last one. “Boo.”
“Whoah! Wait, this isn’t what it… wait, you’re that Mike fellow! I swear, we was doin’ nothin’-”
“Do you know how much we buy Mite for?”
The man was nonplussed. “Less than you sell it for?” he answered, tentatively.
“Actually,” Mike started, “Not at all. We buy Mite at a loss if you consider what we sell it for. Do you know why we make a profit?”
“N-n-no…,” said the man as he backed away. Mike easily kept pace with him while pulling out a small pistol with a glowing power pack.
“After we’re done watering the Mite down with various addictive substances, placebos, and less expensive drugs, we end with enough to make a tidy profit. But if, say, some rival gang decided to interfere with our shipments, we wouldn’t be making a profit. And that would be bad. Bad for business, bad for SAVAGE, and, most of all, bad for the interfering gang. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
The gang member didn’t answer. His back was against the wall, both metaphorically and literally, and he wasn’t sure what to say to keep himself alive. So he remained silent.
“So, here’s how we’re going to do this. You’re buddies are still alive. You’re still alive. You’re going to leave, and spread the word about what happens if someone decides to mess with SAVAGE imports. Next set of miscreants we find breaking into our warehouses may not be so lucky.”
The man nodded his head furiously. Mike tried to keep the smile off his face: playing the bad guy was so much more fun!
Mike answered the phone. “Hello, Mr. Edmund Charles, CEO of SPAM, Society for the Protection of African Minors!”
“Mr. Charles? I’ve been going over these figures, and I’m… a little anxious. I’m making some money in my off-time, and don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to use my power to make a difference in this world, but I would just like to see where the money eventually goes. You know, the results?”
Mike sighed. Mr. Numbers had proven to be an invaluable accountant, but lately he had been more and more pushy about seeing all of the “charity’s” finances. “What specifically did you want to see? We might be able to accommodate you better if… I have a brilliant idea! Why don’t you fly over and see for yourself what the money is doing! We can go to different villages, you can meet the kids, see what we're doing to help.”
Mr. Numbers voice over the phone was hesitant. “But I wouldn’t be taking this trip with money from the charity, right?”
“Of course not, of course not. What do you say? With you managing our funds, we’ve more than doubled what goes to the poor, starving children in Africa, and it’s all thanks to you!”
“...Alright. I guess I could. I’m pretty busy between the charity and work, but I guess I could spend a little time on an African safari.”
“Excellent! Give me a couple weeks to set this up, no charity money, I promise, and we’ll do this thing! Oops, gotta run, talk to you later! Bye!”
Mike closed the phone, mentally noting that SAVAGE had two weeks to find or set up a relatively happy African community with a lot of needy minors before Mr. Numbers decided to show up. Even a genius with numbers would have trouble tracking where most of the money was actually going. But eventually, Mr. Numbers would become a liability, and SPAM would have to close down. Mike started trying to think of other inspiring acronyms for the next “charity”: HOPE? SAVE? LIFE?
Something other than SPAM, at least. The name itself was almost criminally bad.
In Africa, Mike was thinking about deadzones. Specifically, why he hated them. Deadzones meant SAVAGE had more issues communicating with Mike. Deadzones meant Mike had to actually worry about dying, lest his memories be lost before he backed them up. In Africa, there were a lot of deadzones. But here Mike was, in the middle of a god-forsaken country in the midst of a bloody civil war. Which country didn’t really matter. SAVAGE could have picked any old dictator to kill to set off the powder keg. The one in this country just happened to have a large price-tag attached to his head as an added bonus.
Which was why Mike was now meeting with the head of one of the factions vying for control. “Look, we’ve got money for the children, we’ve got resources that could be allocated to them, hell, we’ve got memory modification tech to get rid of everything that might hinder them emotionally later on. We’re just trying to help. I don’t understand why you won’t take our deal.”
Mike was negotiating with a tall, stubby-bearded man. He wouldn’t have looked out of place on the streets of New York City except for the camouflage jacket and large, impressive scar traveling down the left side of his face. He had never had a widely-known name before the civil war, but he intended for it to be a household name by the end of his conquest. “I’m afraid I must decline. I cannot, in good conscience, deal with an organization such as yours, no matter what intentions you might have. I have been approached by others beforehand and offered much in exchange for exclusivity. I must remain true to my bargains, and could not afford yet another ally. You understand?”
Mike nodded. “We figured. That’s why we preemptively made a deal with the competition.”
The scar-faced man reacted quickly, drawing his gun and firing point-blank at Mike. Mike responded by grabbing the man’s head and twisting. The camp was suddenly lit up by flashes of light and gunfire. Once the cacophony had concluded, Mike walked out to greet the conquering invaders. Their leader, a bald man wearing standard SAVAGE nano-weave armor, greeted Mike warmly. “Mike! Well done! SAVAGE has earned our support today! First the children, then the weapons, now the death of my rival. You may expect the diamonds and the cash soon. Very soon!”
Mike congratulated the man, made sure he understood what betrayal would mean, and facilitated another purchase of 30 laser rifles, 10 sets of armor, and another 50 specially prepared child soldiers (the children, of course, to be provided by the warlord). Mike derived a very twisted sense of amusement from funding this endeavor with a charity devoted to the protection of African children.
At UniCorp, Mike and a team of hired mercenaries were going over their lines. “Okay, so I act shocked, and you all open fire at me. Then Velocity comes in and… oh, never mind. Places everyone!”
Countless prepared cameras caught Velocity as he rushed into the lobby of UniCorp, only to find Mike under assault by what appeared to be… ninjas? “Servants of The Dark Master, I see! Your evil ways are through!”
With that, Velocity ducked and weaved, easily incapacitating the disguised mercenaries, before turning to Mike. “Mike? Aren’t you an agent of SAVAGE? What are you doing here, fighting with these brigands?”
One advantage of a memory matrix was that memorizing lines was easy. “Slow down there, Velocity. I was just doing my job - SAVAGE isn’t as bad as you might think! We do break the law from time to time, but these men were planning on destroying the headquarters of an extremely influential organization, and SAVAGE doesn’t want economic downturn any more than your average citizen. You might say we’re on the same side here.”
Velocity looked thoughtful. “Huh, I always thought SAVAGE was the worst of the worst. Well, you learn something every day. Temporary truce until we deal with these wanna-be ninjas?”
Mike grinned. He could practically taste the publicity. “Of course. Some of them managed to get to the elevator before I could stop them, but I saw where they were going. Quick, to the 20th floor!”
The show's new episode aired later in the week. As predicted, ratings soared. Velocity's approval ratings doubled. SAVAGE profit margins more than tripled. Critics raved about the hit new series, calling it "exceptional", "amazing", and "outstanding." One thing no one could figure out is how the network always managed to get their cameras perfectly in place to catch all of Velocity's stunts, but hey, it's show biz.
Mike figured he’d give his presentation as fast and efficiently as possible. He still found Chinese a little difficult, and resolved to work on it for a couple cycles to perfect his grasp of the language. “We are prepared to share our research into sonic-based shield technology with you exclusively. If you’ll look here…”
Mike brings a video of Thunderclap fighting a warehouse full of Mikes. The scene changes to Thunderclap surviving the collapse of a small building. A third scene shows Thunderclap shrugging off the hit from an oncoming bus. Mike issues a file containing the information on Thunderclap to the representative.
“After extensive study of Thunderclap’s meta abilities, we have constructed a force-field of sorts that, while not perfectly replicating his abilities on a personal level, can be used to fortify stationary locations such as embassies, bases, and airfields, assuming you have enough power.”
“To sweeten the deal, we can offer some interesting information surrounding criminals in your own country. Names, dates, locations, shipments…”
“The world is changing. We’re offering you technology, no strings attached, and we’re offering to do it off the grid on your home turf. Do we have a deal?”
They had a deal. Mike was pleased.
Mike walked into the room of an anonymous senator. This deal had been months in the making, and only now was SAVAGE contacting the man or woman face to face. Mike sat down at the desk, still wondering if this was a good idea. “Now, senator, I think we should conclude our business regarding the Metahuman Registration Act….”
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